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  1. A whisper is love.
  2. A little freedom
  3. My life is like a beef stew.(1997/11/25)
  4. Ad balloon memories(1997/11/30)
  5. Imagine(1997/12/8)
  6. Betrayler for love(1998/1/18)
  7. A grapefruit in the winter(1998/1/25)
  8. Love skiing(1998/2/5)
  9. Canada as wonderland(1998/2/22)
  10. The shooting stars(1998/8/15)
  11. Rainbow(1998/8/15)

A whisper is love.
Everybody is sometimes down. This is a same thing for all the people, healthy and ill, young and old, rich and poor, handicaped and non-handicaped, successful and unsuccessful. Of course, the degree may be different from each other, you know.
At such a time, we need a kindly whisper. Kindness only allows you to be as yourself in a state of nature. It never evaluate you whether good or bad.
A whisper encourages everybody, going along by persons. It never stop. A drop of water becomes a little stream, a river, and flows into a sea. But it is not the end. It evaporates, becomes clouds and pours over everybody as a raindrop again.
An ancient person said that it equally rains on the good and evil.

A little freedom
One day of fine autumn sky, it was in a train of morning rush hour. It's crowded as usual, everybody had the sleepy face. I was recently busy due to various tasks. I thought of my today's job with gloomy feelings.
Then, something went through the front of my eyes. A black small mass about 10cm. It was a little bird of wild. Why was the little bird in the train?
She(or he) tried to escape there, but only hit the head to the windows and the ceiling many times. It was better to stop flying around and wait to open in front of the door...
Somehow anybody cannot save the bird but only chase with their eyes, because the train was crowded. Finally, an elder man caught her(or him) when falling down on the floor. At the next station, he intended to hand it to a station staff, but couldn't. Perhaps, he looked like a strange man. At the second next station, the elder man set the bird free into the sky.
Thus, she(or he) got freedom again.
It must be a new place after the adventure over some stations.

My life is like a beef stew.(1997/11/25)
I'm tired now. Both my body and soul were exhausted due to my jobs or something. I was weary last weekend. I had not eaten almost nothing for two days. A life of single is comfortable, but nobody helps me in this case. I thought I might die from hunger in this way. I tried to make a beef stew.
(1)Grill some pieces of beef with some salt and pepper.
   Cook together 70cc red wine until melting a little.
   (The days of youth is strong and spirit.)

(2)Boil together 300cc water about 40 minutes in slow flame.
   (Not impatiently you should improve yourself.)

(3)Gril some pieces of a carot and a onion.
   Cook together demi glace sauce for 30 minutes.
   (You sould take them from some fields.)

(4)Add some piece of a potato, and cook more.
   Add some water to make density you like.
   (Melting all, it's complete.)

(5)Add boiled broccolies to make colorful.
   (It may be potted plants.)

Cooking the stew, I tried to philosophize the life. I might get spirit due to eat this. By the way, my life stew is boiling now. Probably.

Ad balloon memories(1997/11/30)
Cambodian chirdlen seem not worry indeed. They are interested in anything and have pure feelings. It was when I visited in Cambodia on the end of Nov. 1997. The river side of the Tonlesap was bustling because of just a water festival. It is the festival to thank mercy of water when it is the end of the rain season. I sat the bank of the river and began to sketch the calm view. And then, children gathered from somewhere.
They were various. One child amused the festival, another worked. Some children was flirting with their friends. And one also was selling gums and candies alone. One was collecting empty bottles dragging a big bag just like Santa Claus. Other one was begging food or money in rags. But, they all lived with all their might.
Cambodia is a country everlasting summer. Even the end of November, the sunshine was strong. They, however, bring their body into contact with me. I worried for them to steal my purse, but the worry vanished soon. They had still watched my drawing for 20 or 30 minutes more. They often compared my sketch with the real view. One child watching before then began to explain it to other joining after. It's very fanny. I beared to laugh out so so and intentionally ignored them and kept on drawing. (If not, I might laugh out indeed.)
Before long, one next me said anything pointing my sketch. In the sky, some ad ballons of Tigger Beer company was lifted up. He complained that I didn't draw them. They were outside of the frame of my picture and I weren't interested in them. But it might be very serious matter for children. At last, I drew the ballons. They were small in my scketchbook owing to narrow space, but the children seemed to satisfy that their opinion was accepted.
I get the moment to tell them with feelings rather than words. The wonder ad balloons over the department store might lift up in my mind faraway.
Now, it has passed just one year since then. How would they live fine?
Anyway, it is wonderful that children are as children.

The town is filled with songs of Christmas in these days. I sometimes hear a number in them. It's "Imagine" of John Lennon. He was a member of the Beatles well-known. He was killed by a crazy gun on 8 Dec. 1980. I like his works of solo days rather than the Beatles. They are very simple but have wonderful attraction. I can feel John who faces to himself there. It's sometimes sad and painful.
It never be easy to know yourself. You'll find you who are a spoiled and dirty child. And other you are who anyway try to hide or justify them, and sometimes improve them. When facing to self, everyone may feel loneliness. It's very hard. Is there a saved moment for a person who is caught by such loneliness and struggling?
He sang in the number, "Imagine", that you imagine there's no heaven, no hell, no country and no possetion. It must be a wish to peace. But it might take leave of loneliness at the same time. Because he sang, "But I'm not only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one."

Betrayler for love(1998/1/18)
The youth was called out by his fellows. And they said, "do it!" He said, "No." So, his fellows hit him, and said. "If not, you are a betrayler. You have to come to the same thing with the gays." He felt a terror. And he had done it at last. He thought it was no way.
About the same time, they executed the hunt in the other place too. The other youth was here. He dug a small hole for his friend. He hid her and her little brothers there, and kept on giving them some bananas. It was danger for himself too. If his fellows knew this, he would be killed together. But, he betraied his fellows. He thought it was no way.
I knew these two stories in today's TV documentary. It was the fact in Rwanda of Afflica. 800,000 persons were killd there. It's unbelievable. But, don't you feel the like thing around us? In the school, the company and your mind...
If you don't loose something, you cannot get anything. You, however, have to choose it at first. The choice might be very difficult and hard. In such a time, everything will seem right, and everything will seem wrong. How should we do? Where is the answer?
At first, close your eyes and get cool. After that, let's remember it together.
What was the color of the axe which we dropped into the pond, indeed?

A grapefruit in the winter(1998/1/25)
Today, I came to my parent's home after long time, and ate a grapefruit. It's a grapefruit in the winter. There are a reason for this.
It was 20 years ago, so when I was certainly an elementary school student. One day in the summer, I came home from out and took out a cold grapefruit from a refrigerator. When I cut it to two pieces, it had budded seeds. The fruit wasn't juicy. I tried to eat it. It was no taste at all. But, it was first time for me to see such a budded grapefruit, so we were very surprised by this and planted them in flowerpots. At that time, because we lived in the 5th floor of an apartment, we have no garden. But, they were growing in the small flowerpot day by day. When it passed a few years and they were about 30cm height, we move to a hause with a garden and we could planted one of them in the garden. But, the place was never sunny, because of facing the north side. It, however, increased the speed of growing. It had become a big tree. And it have beared since about 3years ago. It beared only small fruits at first time and they blew away by little wind. But, it became to have big fruit and we could get a few dozen last year. It was on December. It is same with Japanese 'mikan' after all. And I tried to eat one of them today at last.
The size is small a little and has a lot of seeds, but it is juicy. It is sour like a lemon, but it has certainly grapefruit's taste. I had a wander feeling, because I remembered that summer day.
The fruit must be full with a lot of memories. It is the reason that I love the grapefruit.

Love skiing(1998/2/5)
Ski's season has quitely come. I'll go to Canada to ski tomorrow. I'm looking forward to do.
BTW, when I went to Appi of Tohoku in Japan for skiing few days ago, I saw a rare ski. It has a chair on one ski which holds both legs. The poles have a small ski. The man was skiing alone and went away soon.
Watching TV today, I knew the name is chair ski. The fans of chair ski are about 500 in Japan. But, the gelande for chair ski doesn't exist enough. Everybody needs gondolas and ski lifts to ski, and the stuff who grooms the gelande mid night also. It's necessary to accept chair ski for much person.
I sometimes ride snowboard. It was prohibited in a lot of gelandes in Japan. But now, it's like a lie. Same way, will it come the day that chair ski will spread around the world?
Everybody can play with snow! I think so.

Canada as wonderland(1998/2/22)
I've come back from Canada. Although the temperature was higher due to warm winter, it was nice to ski. The weather was not very fine, but I could comfortably ski on new snow.
When I trip, I've got to like the country. Canada also was not the exception. I didn't go sightseeing very much, because of tour to ski in this time. However, I could feel the goodness of Canada a little. At first, I saw a lot of Chinese charactors. Many Chinese people live in Canada, so many stores have the signboard written by Chinese charactors. I saw a lot of Japanese also for Japanese travelers. The stores else them have the signboard of English or French, which are the official languages in Canada. Otherwise, Itarian restaurant and Mongorian one also exist. It's very international.
The people with various caltures gather from around the world, and friendly make a country together. Canada is such a wonderland. I saw some Indian persons with turban too. Many races exist acturelly. They keep public peace.
In this country, it must be mostly nature that everybody is equal. It's incredible in the world with conflicts constantly. I'm happy to feel the wind even in a few days.

The shooting stars(1998/8/15)
About every 12th August night, we can see the Perseid meteor shower (the 'radiant' or apparent origin of the meteors lies in the direction of the constellation of Perseus). When I was a highschool student, it was an important event in summer vacation for the highschool science club. We gathered to school in the evening and ovserved the shower of shooting stars on the roof of school. 8 persons lie down like a circle to center their heads and watch the sky in charge. And they report the direction and brightness. Other 2 persons record the data with time. But, seeing the shooting star, they shouted and looked though it was not in the sky in charge. Not appearing shooting stars for long time, I heard the breathing of a neighbor sleeper. By the reason, we didn't know correct number of the meteors. But I'm happy. It's an old memory.
In this year, I got a opportunity and saw the shower at Bisei (the town's name means "beautiful star") in Okayama. It's the place where we can watch beautiful stars. So I brought my telescope which I didn't use for some years. The telescope is big in some degree, because it's a reflect type with a 15cm lens. The observation meeting hold the broad parking of "Ikusa land". About 200 - 300 persons gatherd there. Appearing the shooting star, everybody shouted of joy. By the way, you don't need any telescope to see shooting stars. I watched Jupiter, the Moon and Saturn raised from east with my telescope. And the neighbor and passing persons said, "let me see." We could see Jupiter with four Galileo satellite. We could find them, because they were on a straight line. We could see Saturn with famous ring clearly. We could see the Moon which had some craters were like gypsums. The world magnified 300 times is another world indeed. Seeing them, everybody pleased very much. It is very wonderful that what we see only through photographs and TV realy exists in the sky which we always see.
We always see them, but we cannot see them at all.
When seeing them, we may be moved our mind.
It was first time for the telescope to be active such. It is joy to watch stars with many persons.

It was in the next morning to see the shower of shooting star. I woke up in my car on the parking. But I couldn't open my eyes to ache. Perhaps, because I put on contact lens for long time. I had a head ache a little bit too. Much tear flowed, but I couldn't open my eyes, though. I had no way, so I just endured the aches. Passing the noon, I didn't regain. It began to rain outside. I were more blue and thought how I am if I couldn't open my eyes forever. I couldn't drive a car. I couldn't see stars yesterday. I couldn't watch the Moon, Jupiter and Saturn also. If it's last yesterday... Thinking so, I sorrowed a bit. But I will never forget that impression and memory. The image clearly exists on my mind. I will remind many people shouted of joy to see the shooting stars and planets. It will be never vanish. I groped and took a towel to wipe tear. And I ate "Calorie Mate" (support foods). I had heard the sound of more and more rain.
Closeing evening, I could open my eye a little. The rain stop also. So I desided and took my departure. On the way, I slept in the parking area of highway. And I woke up and began to start again. After a while, I found a big rainbow foreward. It was very beautiful to be background of the sky colored sun set. I could see the second rainbow outside. I was moved very match, because I saw a rainbow after a long time. The rainbow would born from that rain.
When I long the rainbow, I cannot see it anytime.
The rainbow was very wonderful rather than one before now.

E-mail: JuN Kawai <jun1967@pis.bekkoame.ne.jp>